whenidecidedtowritehttps://whenidecidedtowrite.wordpress.comI am a very ambitious person whose motive in life has always been to achieve. But irrespective of my dreams and passion, I simply feel I am lost.
In my quest to find myself, I decided to write. To write about my life, my feelings, emotions, my happiness, moments of sadness. Life is like an ECG with up’s and down’s. We share similar thoughts and feelings at some point of time in our lives.This is what binds us together.
I have been there and I have done it too. My goal is to bring some positive attitude to all my readers and share the beauty of life.
The day we are born we are compared and graded with others, he is naughtier than his sister, she was smarter comparatively etc and the list goes on. And this criteria of grading goes on from school to university, from parenting to death. Death? well yes… His brother died of a heart attack, this poor man suffered more due to cancer. What happens when you come from an over populated country, where everyday is a competition,a battle for the best score in life?
I have been trying to learn French for the pleasure and I was recently remarked that I have a wonderful phonetic for French. I was delighted and confident. The following week, I had to give my exam for the certification and the oral test was an ‘on the spot’ subject for a debate. Can people get lucky? Yes…but unfortunately I wasn’t. Quite normal, I had a subject very vague and long which I managed to pull through. I was glad that my performance was satisfying, I was content. But is that enough?
Besides being proud of myself, I came out of the room with a score of 40 /50 just to find out that others had scored higher than me. But I thought, I performed well. Upon discussion, it was revealed that those who had scored 49/50 had a simpler and easier subject to debate on. But is this fair? She scored higher for a simpler topic as it turned out to be her day, on the contrary I did fine with a difficult subject yet I will be compared with her scores in the competition. To top it off, very conveniently the topics would be eliminated from our mark sheets with just the scores highlighted.
In my opinion, such a practice is disappointing. One day performance judges your overall ability is not fair. Your luck on the day is your god. What could I have done to be lucky that day? She would always be preferred over me for her score but is this fair enough? What do you feel? Have you experienced this?
I truly believe if you wish to do something; you will do it!
Firstly my apologise for not being regular. However I am back now. If asked about my absence for 3 months I would immediately respond with ” oh, I was busy” but now I am looking for a valid reason.Yes of course I was occupied and was left with no time but now I am wondering, if that is true ?
The greedy me:
Now this is well-known fact that man is greedy and wants more, after all the economist have their reasons.To begin with; on my path to finding myself, I started writing. I enjoyed it however I let time take the control and I moved with the flow.In the mean time I realised designing has been a long time hobby and I love designing handbags and sewing them, so why not start my own home based business. Well, that’s not all! I have mentioned earlier about my love for languages, hence I continue learning French and Voila now I can speak French 😀
How is my time split?
Well to start with; my day begins around 8 am in the morning, a constant struggle between me and my sleep which sure hasn’t changed over time. After my morning tea and newspaper, I make a dash to my French class. On Monday’s and Wednesday’s a special two hours class of only speaking French! After returning home, the tired me is busy with my new ventured business.
From the lessons learnt in life, I cannot compromise on my “me time”, hence the evenings are purely for me and my personal workouts 🙂
What I miss the most.
With all the rushing, I had always felt something missing. Something left behind. It was only a few days back , I realised, that I miss writing. My days felts incomplete, followed by months but every time I typed something, I would procrastinate. I simply hoped their was a device which could just write, what was in my head.
Hence today I decided, I am not going to feel empty anymore because writing is part of me and something what I like. So what if I have many interests and I am greedy, I will do whatever makes me happy and content. Therefore I am back and it feels home!
I am participating in writing 101 this month, however I have been one of those lazy members who is not disciplined and timely with my assignments. It was time for my evening jog after a lazy day at home as I didn’t have much to do. Right before leaving for my jog, I saw my daily prompt from group which said today I had to visit a coffee shop or a park and observe the surrounding and write without using any adverb. Hence I took it as an opportunity as I was anyway about to jog in a park.
The moment I left my house, I started wondering what exactly would I have to write. And how does one avoid adverbs. I live in the south and its always sunny here. And now that summer is beginning we are seeing some hot and warm days .It’s time to pick the brightest and yellowest managoes. Everything is bright and in shades of yellow, even the flowers blooming in the park. I began to ponder how would I use a phrase without an adverb. I looked up at the sky, It was a pleasant day unlike the summer days as it surprisingly had rained leaving behind a breezy and calm weather. The sun was golden and the sky looked pale with clouds covering like some golden dust. When I looked up the first sentence popped on my head was “The sun is shinning brightly in a rustic gold colour and the weather is very pleasant” OMG… I said brightly and very pleasant…grrrr so I tried again removing the adverbs and emphasising on the nouns.
No sooner my mind was filled with thoughts and visuals. I jog here everyday but most of the things go unnoticed, however today I was all ears and eyed every tiny thing I spotted. It had rained this morning hence I have the connoisseur for mud, ironically my iPod played “mitti di khushboo ayeyi” (smell of your land)a current bollywood pop song. With a smile, I ran few meters then realised the weather was too good to be wasted. Hence I walked, enjoying every step.
I noticed kids playing cricket with all enthusiasm and their parents watching them and enjoying. I turned to hear some laughter, it was the regular bing bang ladies, walking and jogging to shed some pounds while discussing their daily chores. A group of old retired men sat on the benches having a gala time, it was as if they were dressed to walk/jog but more time was spent discussing matters and arguing over drinks. One person I never fail to notice everyday, was in his usual, running. Running like a lighting bolt, he is the fastest, I have seen. What surprises me is doesn’t he get tired or thirsty ?
These observations were revolving on my head again and again. I wanted to run home and jot down immediately, I wished I had carried a paper and pen to write below the tree where yellow flowers had fallen. I guess I captured enough to write this today. Do let me know your opinion…:)
I am sure most of you reading this blog are bloggers yourself or you simply enjoy writing. Hold back, think for a second why do you love writing or why did you start writing. Come on! There should be something that should have inspired you or someone who has motivated you. What’s your story?
Let me share mine.
I don’t catch cues in the first time. Everything in my life happens over a period of time. It all started when I was in college and we were asked to choose an elective course. I had my eyes on a media related course with accounting as my backup option(in case media was not available,seats get full). But its what god proposes, at the end which matters. I was late for my selection and hence I was given “journalism” as very few had chosen to study this.
To my suprise, this course brought the writer out of me. I enjoyed capturing my thoughts and story with words and painting them in my style. As a hobby, I had started writing articles on subjective topics occasionally. And slowly it reduced as I did not have an audience. It was 3 years later in my french class I met someone who inspired me to start writing and starting my own blog.:)
The same person has been my inspiration this year. Had I not met him, I wouldn’t have started this blog “cooking life”. And only I know how much I have grown with this blog and with all your opinions.
How I met him, well he was a classmate of mine in my French institute. His love for language and reading had let him take particular interest in french and it’s literature. He is a writer by profession and loves reading. The first time I had seen him, I remember he was busy with his kindle. After introduction and helloing we started having interesting conversations. Conversations turned into debates then arguments. We had lot of discussions, which we certainly enjoyed. One day,I told him how I was interested in writing and I wished to enroll on a course. From his experiences he suggested I start writing. “Writing is an art, it is hidden inside, you cannot be taught necessarily”, was what he had told me. I got back home signed up in wordpresss and from there my journey began as a blogger/writer.
When people ask me, what I do for living, I stumble and I am terrified. But honestly I don’t have an answer to the question. I was an ex-employ in a software firm, I am a passionate sewer who designs bags, I enjoy writing/blogging , dream of travelling to the ends of the world. But what am I by profession?
I shall not elaborate on this, as I have already blogged on my skills in ” jack of all trade but master of none”. I am not sure, shamefully or proudly but it’s true. And everyday of my life, I have always thought, what if I had to choose one. Wish I could proudly say “I am a ………. by profession”. I am not certain if it’s my belief or if it’s the society I belong, which prioritises profession and rank. Again I am not sure which terrifies me more, what I am or what I am not. Hence this has been my biggest loss in this world, I don’t know what I am…
So I was wondering, if I could use the time capsule and go back in time to change myself and become something, what would I do. Of course we all wish to go back change and become something which we dreamt but ever thought which action had to be rectified to accomplish? Go on think… This will be one of your lessons in life.
I realised that as a person I had been very impulsive and given in easily to family, society, friends and peers out of fear, lack of patience, low confidence in myself and trusting and believing others more than myself.As a result I see this day. Had I stood firm, believed and trusted that I would get what I wished and prayed for then maybe I could have had my chance. What’s done is done, I can’t go back and change. I definitely can learn from my mistake.Henceforth I decide and make up my mind trusting myself and believing in myself more than my parents and friends. Only when you believe in yourself, people trust you and put faith in you else you are a lost man.
Smartness is needed but we have always heard from the stories of our ancestors “hard work always pays”. Work hard to achieve. I would try but when I felt it was too far and I see many running towards it, I would lose interest. This was one of my mistake, after fighting and coming so close I would turn back. But now I will take what is rightfully mine and not leave until I possess it. I gladly say that my loss is my strength today, to walk the roads of tomorrows…