Academic scoring not for me!

The day we are born we are compared and graded with others, he is naughtier than his sister, she was smarter comparatively etc and the list goes on. And this criteria of grading goes on from school to university, from parenting to death. Death? well yes… His brother died of a heart attack, this poor man suffered more due to cancer. What happens when you come from an over populated country, where everyday is a competition,a battle for the best score in life?

I have been trying to learn French for the pleasure and I was recently remarked that I have a wonderful phonetic for French. I was delighted and confident. The following week, I had to give my exam for the certification and the oral test was an ‘on the spot’ subject for a debate. Can people get lucky? Yes…but unfortunately I wasn’t. Quite normal, I had a subject very vague and long which I managed to pull through. I was glad that my performance was satisfying, I was content. But is that enough?

Besides being proud of myself, I came out of the room with a score of 40 /50 just to find out that others had scored higher than me. But I thought, I performed well. Upon discussion, it was revealed that those who had scored 49/50 had a simpler and easier subject to debate on. But is this fair? She scored higher for a simpler topic as it turned out to be her day, on the contrary I did fine with a difficult subject yet I will be compared with her scores in the competition. To top it off, very conveniently the topics would be eliminated from our mark sheets with just the scores highlighted.

In my opinion, such a practice is disappointing. One day performance judges your overall ability is not fair. Your luck on the day is your god. What could I have done to be lucky that day? She would always be preferred over me for her score but is this fair enough? What do you feel? Have you experienced this?

I would love to hear your opinions…

Just another yesterday.

It has been really long since I wrote but believe me I hate to push myself into writing. Rather I enjoy writing when thoughts and ideas flourish my mind. So after a long time, there was something really nice that I felt. Nothing special, nothing different but it was just a yesterday.

As I have mentioned earlier, I am studying french. Since last month, I was occupied preparing for my french exams.I was taking up my DELF and my BILAN exam in French. After all the hardships, yesterday was the day which paid for all my efforts. It was the second last day of my level A2 in French, where the result was shared to the students.

I was worried but to my surprise, I was confident. Finally, the paper was distributed and I was happy. Not very happy because when I looked at few of my answers, I was taken aback. I knew the correct answers! Ofcourse this had to be a pronom, how did I miss that?  It was these silly errors that upset me more. I had missed out the ‘articles’ i.e le,la les…OMG!  With all the preparation and hardwork an error like this made my heart sink.

As this was our second last day and soon everyone will all be on their way. So my professor organized a game. She gave everyone a chit of paper with a classmate’s name written on it. She asked us to speak about them in french. After that person is done, everyone in class can contribute and talk about the same person. This way everybody gets a feedback on themselves.

And then it was my turn. The girl with my name chit started.”She is a friendly and joyful person who wears wonderful scarfs everyday. She loves designing and making handbag’s. She is creative, and cares for people who mean a lot to her.She may not credit herself with this, but it’s true!”

Next came the negatives, She is an intelligent person and she can reach sky but I feel she is very lazy and doesn’t push herself. Everybody second this, the professor said ” Yes, she is impulsive, wants to get done with things. Doesn’t care to re-check. Hence she makes all the errors.”

I learn’t so much about myself yesterday, few things which I never credited myself before with and few things I always erred without realization. It is wonderful to know, how people around you see you.I haven’t lost my confidence but I am consciously taking effort to not be impulsive and push myself whilst I do my chores at my pace 🙂

Language is an art and only few are gifted.

It recently dawned upon me that may be I am not linguistic. I have been trying my best to learn french but when I speak french, I sound English and when I try writing more than four words in a sentence,it has only has been a nightmare. I tell myself ” Tu ne inquiétes pas”. But everyday in my french class, I have to battle with french words. As much as I love learning the language I feel I am far behind my classmates. I haven’t quite understood, if I am a slow learner or few of my classmates are gifted.

Ironically, my father is quite a linguist who knows around 6 languages, I always hoped maybe it was passed along to me as heredity. If only, it can be passed. Of all the languages why I chose french is a different topic but since I started I want to master it.But I have friends in class who not only speak and write french but they also think. One of my classmate, can argue or start a debate in French. On the other side, I have to think to form a sentence. First in English to understand then conjugate the french verbs  and then I speak it out. This is a hurdle when I have to write or speak. But understanding when others speak, is a whole new level. At the end of the day, I am disappointed with myself.

I have set image on my head that any person who is linguistic is very sociable. Is this true?

I met an old colleague of mine, a shy girl, who goes to office works for 8 hours and has very little conversation with people around. To my surprise, she was an intermediate Spanish student. Upon requests, she would teach and tutor other students. I was taken aback when I heard this. I am not being judgmental but a person who is an introvert, disinterested in most of the affairs at work, she is doing so well in a language. That’s when I thought maybe it is a talent or a gift she posses, she can grasp languages easily.

Since I am struggling so much in my  french class, I am starting to believe may be I am not gifted with this art. Is it true that some people can grasp any language easily. While others like me, have to struggle and learn ? Do you agree?

What? So I am not wanted…

I have been learning, studying and trying to increase my knowledge for years now. Yet I am always shown my status and relevance at the end. Let me narrate the scene so you can understand better.As you all know I am hunting for my ideal and my perfect career.Off late I have been blessed with too much of free time. If nothing productive, I thought why not utilize to visit an old lady and do some good deeds. So here, I go to her house to see her and pray for her. I enter her house, to see many young and elderly women sitting and chit chatting their usual’s. Upon seeing me few of them jumped with joy. This was an awesome moment of my life, people were glad to see me! Who wouldn’t love it? Well my question to myself was, exactly why were they happy to see me? Among 25 people in the house out of which half of them were young and beautiful women while few old ladies and kids.Young and smart men from the family stood out attending to the requirements. Again the question popped, why are they happy seeing me?

I tried to focus, and stepped ahead with my purpose of visit. I sat next to her, prayed for her health when suddenly a young women got up and told my mother, “I am so glad to brought your daughter”. The happy me, sat patiently among everyone, little did I know my moment of happiness would burst like a bubble.

Next minute a notepad was brought and it was time to monitor the blood pressure, pulse and other necessary counts, to monitor the ailing aunt’s health. I was asked to start with the procedures. What? What? Me?  I know I can check the pressure in my bicycle but blood pressure? With full of embarrassment, I confronted them and said ” I don’t know”. Everyone was shocked. Looked at me with surprise, the same question running in everyone’s head. “But you are a Doctor?”

Whoooh, wait, what did I just hear? Me doctor? I am a passionate blogger, passionate sewer who loves making quilts and handbags, an intermediate level student of French but not a doctor!  At this point, it all made sense. They mistook me to be my sister who is a doctor. With great embarrassment I explained the scenario only to hear the disappointments. Few of the replies were as follows

‘ Ah! it’s you!’, Wish it was your sister, she could have helped. Had your sister been here she would have done most of the medical procedures.But then it’s you. Is she coming to see?

Tired of all the humiliation and questions, I parted from there pondering over the thought if a person will be respected only by his a her profession. I don’t see myself at fault, I have always tried to learn and be focused either life has been mean and taken it away or I never liked it. Does this mean I am no one? Forever I will be humiliated and compared? That accidental two minute fame, was my only share of happiness?

On your feet

Situation of my life:

I belong to a conservative family/ society were the actions of women are generally deemed by her father or brother. However I have grown to be an independent person with my own thoughts and opinions.My society believes that women are to be taken care of, hence she ought to enjoy what is earned by the men of her family. Since childhood I have been a passionate person wanting to seek knowledge and grow into a respectable woman. On the contrary women I know, love shopping, dressing up, whiling away time and enjoy cooking for their loved ones. I am of a strong belief, that time spent of cooking everyday is a waste of time.We do not live to eat, but the contrary. These women have looked at me as the odd one out because I would choose to struggle and put up with hurdles and do the exact opposite of what these women do. Majority of my time has gone by me arguing with my family about my interests and wants.I believe in what I do. Often, I think WHY?

What is expected?

Women are expected to be humble and compassionate. To be a loving daughter, sister, grand-daughter. Random families with similar or better status ask for the girls in marriage to their sons & grandsons. After a council, the men from the family decide and and she is wedded. It may sound depressing, trust me the girls enjoy the big fat lavish weddings, adorned with jewels and bright colors moving to a family which is similar or mostly better than her family in financial status. The girl is expected to be the happiest person, as she has just accomplished obtaining a good and smart groom.

After marriage, deemed by her husbands decisions and leaning on husband at very aspect of life. Men go out to work while women wait for them to return. Full day is spent in daily chores, cleaning, cooking.For generations this has been the trend.

Why Am I rejected?

My friends and family say :”Idiot, Why do have to do it? Sit back relax and enjoy”. If you step out and do what they do, you guys become equal. Oh no that is not right for a balanced family. Education always rises a persons abilities and earns respect.The girl should ideally be respected but it’s looked down at. It’s a nightmare if the girl is educated more than the guy. Since childhood I was always told one should do their own work. I am not sure why suddenly the rules have changed.

Well none of this has stopped me, I believe in what I do. Parents who agree cannot support, fearing rejection from society.Sometimes having your voice can become an issue. But stand on your own, never fear, people may accept you or they may not.But how can one live with themselves without self acceptance?

 

This is my Goal…

I am a very ambitious person whose motive in life has always been to achieve. But irrespective of my dreams and passion, I simply feel I am lost. Every time I look at my sister I feel, wow she knew what she wanted and she is working towards it. On the other hand I am 26 yrs old and I am still trying to find myself and my interests. I have come a long way in life through all the struggles and turmoils in life. I have had my good days and bad ones too.

In my conquest, I have tried new things and hope to do the same in future with a motive to always try… Never turn back and regret. Something I learned recently and I am glad about it. Because it’s better late than never.

I bumped into wordpress and started writing.

To a lot of them, I am a simple young girl who has lots to see in the future. But when I look at myself I think I am wise enough to face my future, to fight with all my zeal and to break all the barriers that stand my way. After all, experience and knowledge makes us stronger.

At this time you may find my writings with a positive attitude, trust me when I say this, I wasn’t a positive and energetic person as I am sounding right now. Let down with misery and heart break, all I wanted was my life to end. But slowly I started to put myself together and learnt it the hard way, that when life throws lemon, grab it with a smile and make lemonades and drink. If you are smart enough, make plenty and sell.

My friends have always come to me with their issues and problems. They always felt, I am a sensible person to talk to. Seriously???? Well the irony is I give my friends the best solutions but when I have to face the situation, I somehow don’t seem to relate to these solutions. My mind would not accept them. It took a lot of time for me to learn “How to let go” I still haven’t mastered it 😦 Yes this is one of my Goals.

What brings me to this blog?

In my quest to find myself, I decided to write. Write about my life, my feelings, emotions, my happiness, moments of sadness. I have often mentioned in my blog, life is an ECG with up’s and down’s. This is what binds us together, as we all have similar thoughts and feelings at some point of time in our lives. When I am low, I love to read about others and the way they handle the situation. Sometimes it’s the same rhetorical line: forget it! It was in the past..Move on! Of course I know those lines but when someone is around me to remind me of them, I feel better. Hence my blog.

I have been there and I have done it too. My goal is to bring the positive attitude to all my readers and share the beauty of life. Everybody has there set of happiness and problems. But it feels nice, when we know someone is there with similar issues and we share our thoughts and discuss. I would love to see more followers and everyone participating in my blog and share their moments of happiness and struggles.As sharing your happiness with others helps multiply while sharing your sorrows makes one feel stronger.

Paradise in Earth?

Day two: Excitement..

When the Sun rose, I was already up in my Delhi hotel.  I quickly got ready and wore my warmest clothes as I was going further north. I packed my bags, had my morning tea with breakfast which was part of the hotel, the airline had provided.It was a chilly Monday morning and we were set to go.However the traffic in India’s capital city,-Delhi was the second hurdle between me and my vacation.

My journey of 45 minutes came to an end when i reached “Paradise”. Paradise, yes I stepped foot in Kashmir.I am not sure if it is a paradise on earth but I certainly know that it is a piece of paradise in India. The last fifteen minutes, I spent viewing the magnificent and mighty Himalayas from my plane.Shades of blue and white were a pleasure to my eyes. When I landed in Srinagar (capital of Kashmir), the airport was a small area unlike airport in Delhi. People seemed calm and relaxed, while the weather recorded around 4 degree. Srinagar is not my holiday destination, so I hopped into a cab and took a ride further north for another hour and a half,  till I reached a hill station and a small town known as “Gulmarg” (Meadow of Flowers). Love at first sight, it’s now I understood what the phrase means. Unfortunately snow was delayed this year and the town wasn’t at its best. If what I saw wasn’t complete beauty, then what was? Sigh..IMG_20150110_140118

Well I landed in winter but if it had been during summer, I would have seen all the beautiful flowers blossoming. If you are in Kashmir during autumn you will find Apples everywhere and waters gushing during spring, what do I say….Beauty all around the year.

Stay tuned to know more about my holiday in Gulmarg and to see the beauty.