Academic scoring not for me!

The day we are born we are compared and graded with others, he is naughtier than his sister, she was smarter comparatively etc and the list goes on. And this criteria of grading goes on from school to university, from parenting to death. Death? well yes… His brother died of a heart attack, this poor man suffered more due to cancer. What happens when you come from an over populated country, where everyday is a competition,a battle for the best score in life?

I have been trying to learn French for the pleasure and I was recently remarked that I have a wonderful phonetic for French. I was delighted and confident. The following week, I had to give my exam for the certification and the oral test was an ‘on the spot’ subject for a debate. Can people get lucky? Yes…but unfortunately I wasn’t. Quite normal, I had a subject very vague and long which I managed to pull through. I was glad that my performance was satisfying, I was content. But is that enough?

Besides being proud of myself, I came out of the room with a score of 40 /50 just to find out that others had scored higher than me. But I thought, I performed well. Upon discussion, it was revealed that those who had scored 49/50 had a simpler and easier subject to debate on. But is this fair? She scored higher for a simpler topic as it turned out to be her day, on the contrary I did fine with a difficult subject yet I will be compared with her scores in the competition. To top it off, very conveniently the topics would be eliminated from our mark sheets with just the scores highlighted.

In my opinion, such a practice is disappointing. One day performance judges your overall ability is not fair. Your luck on the day is your god. What could I have done to be lucky that day? She would always be preferred over me for her score but is this fair enough? What do you feel? Have you experienced this?

I would love to hear your opinions…

My last day of twenty fourteen

The last day of 2014, the 31st Dec.

It seems like just yesterday when I was worried and panicking about commitments, weddings, relationship. The day started and I got dressed to meet my friends for a brunch, the start of my new year(2014). Later I had everything falling apart. The way I had imagined my life, wasn’t one in reality.

Good or bad I was in my comfort zone, going with the flow of life. Wake up early morning, take a cab to work, spend the day with friends and colleagues working or playing foose ball at office. Until a day when I quit work due to family pressure and realized I have nothing to do. Relationships were a failure and sadness took a toll.

All I wanted, was to fly away….If only, I could. I do feel like a bird but a bird with no wings. Friends and family reasoned and argued their views and points. Each day my heart sank to see my dreams fall apart.

It was this year, the 2014 when I felt my world changed. I hit hard on the ground with reality and pain.Day’s and night’s I wept, screamed and fought with God. Until one day, I woke to realize why not…

So I decided to learn and do something I always craved, to organize myself and to throw away all the waste. I joined french classes, brought my sewing machine. And most important I decided to start “writing” thus my blog “whenidecidedtowrite.wordpress.com”. I have learned life the hard way. Rejections and failures are winds which can hit you hard. Yet we test ourselves and know our limits.I learned to love myself more and more each day. When your hands are tied there is no right or wrong way, we do our part and rest is left on God. “Let it go” hit my playlist and helped me grow strong while books like ‘I am Malala’ and series of ‘House M.D’ let me move on. I know this loud and clear, that when life throws lemon; make lemonade. I have made new friends and spent time with old ones. I try my best not to procrastinate because it is now I know, one has to grab opportunities when it knocks your door.

When I close my eyes I feel glad you are going because I can only remember the sorrows and pain you gave. You took away my love, my job and even few friends. People say theirs was a roller coaster ride, I felt I was in a slide.

But you have also taught me to be grateful, hence I recall, you taught me to

1. Fear and worry less

2. Leave the past behind.

3. Be done, being that good girl.

4. Value the people who care and love , instead of running behind people who aren’t worth for.

5. Finally cook and bake. I can now make my own tea!

6. pursue my passion of sewing

7. Show patience and have faith.

8. speak more than ‘Bonjour, comment cava? ‘

9. Love myself and expect the best.

10 Finally brought me to the wonderful world of writing, which I love the most.

Hence I finally say ‘bon adieu’  2014. I am hereby welcoming 2015 with a smile and a new haircut which I just got. I now have bangs, which I always wanted. Hoping a new look and a new spirit can change the coming year and the years to come. Wishing you all a very Happy New Year.

We make wrong decisions when we are angry

If there is happiness and tranquility there is also anger and frustration. Anger which normally leads to frustration is a  result of anxiety. When we worry a lot, let me put it another way.When we are anxious about a result,the mind worries since it tries to analyze the outcome. It tries to achieve something which is beyond human capacity.When the mind rationalizes and fails to be accurate, fear takes over. A man’s  biggest enemy is ‘his fear for failure’. This whole process leads to frustration and anger, as a result one can get depressed and dwell on negativity.Hence one does not like to take any amount of risk, and plays safe.

Say in a day’s course, I over sleep as I result I have to rush to work.I quickly get ready to leave, just to find out my dad has borrowed my car.I have to either wait for him to return or catch a local train/auto.Some how I manage to reach office just to find my boss has arranged a meeting and I am late by 15 minutes. The awkwardness in joining the group late and catching up ,top it up you are asked for an update/input. Sigh…Its just a day, but these two hours have been a nightmare.Most important point being one blames individuals, rather than aspects of a situation, for problems.Eg. I oversleep,blame my family for not checking on me.Dad borrowed car,I am frustrated at him for taking my car.Woah can’t my colleagues help postpone the meeting or least wait for me? Its basically the timing of events.But we human love blaming other people and show our frustration on them,thus inviting trouble for ourselves.Imagine the decisions I take in this due course and compare them with just a casual regular day.

Its easy to say then done “Stay Calm” because anger and frustration is an illness which grows to bring only misery and sadness.Least we can do is, when angry, think 100 times(hypothetically..) before implying it.Because we are responsible for all our actions!