Lesson learnt from my biggest loss

When people ask me, what I do for living, I stumble and I am terrified. But honestly I don’t have an answer to the question. I was an ex-employ in a software firm, I am a passionate sewer who designs bags, I enjoy writing/blogging , dream of travelling to the ends of the world. But what am I by profession?

I shall not elaborate on this, as I have already blogged on my skills in ” jack of all trade but master of none”. I am not sure, shamefully or proudly but it’s true. And everyday of my life, I have always thought, what if I had to choose one. Wish I could proudly say “I am a ………. by profession”. I am not certain if it’s my belief or if it’s the society I belong, which prioritises profession and rank. Again I am not sure which terrifies me more, what I am or what I am not. Hence this has been my biggest loss in this world, I don’t know what I am…
So I was wondering, if I could use the time capsule and go back in time to change myself and become something, what would I do. Of course we all wish to go back change and become something which we dreamt but ever thought which action had to be rectified to accomplish? Go on think… This will be one of your lessons in life.

I realised that as a person I had been very impulsive and given in easily to family, society, friends and peers out of fear, lack of patience, low confidence in myself and trusting and believing others more than myself.As a result I see this day. Had I stood firm, believed and trusted that I would get what I wished and prayed for then maybe I could have had my chance. What’s done is done, I can’t go back and change. I definitely can learn from my mistake.Henceforth I decide and make up my mind trusting myself and believing in myself more than my parents and friends. Only when you believe in yourself, people trust you and put faith in you else you are a lost man.

Smartness is needed but we have always heard from the stories of our ancestors “hard work always pays”. Work hard to achieve. I would try but when I felt it was too far and I see many running towards it, I would lose interest. This was one of my mistake, after fighting and coming so close I would turn back. But now I will take what is rightfully mine and not leave until I possess it. I gladly say that my loss is my strength today, to walk the roads of tomorrows…

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What? So I am not wanted…

I have been learning, studying and trying to increase my knowledge for years now. Yet I am always shown my status and relevance at the end. Let me narrate the scene so you can understand better.As you all know I am hunting for my ideal and my perfect career.Off late I have been blessed with too much of free time. If nothing productive, I thought why not utilize to visit an old lady and do some good deeds. So here, I go to her house to see her and pray for her. I enter her house, to see many young and elderly women sitting and chit chatting their usual’s. Upon seeing me few of them jumped with joy. This was an awesome moment of my life, people were glad to see me! Who wouldn’t love it? Well my question to myself was, exactly why were they happy to see me? Among 25 people in the house out of which half of them were young and beautiful women while few old ladies and kids.Young and smart men from the family stood out attending to the requirements. Again the question popped, why are they happy seeing me?

I tried to focus, and stepped ahead with my purpose of visit. I sat next to her, prayed for her health when suddenly a young women got up and told my mother, “I am so glad to brought your daughter”. The happy me, sat patiently among everyone, little did I know my moment of happiness would burst like a bubble.

Next minute a notepad was brought and it was time to monitor the blood pressure, pulse and other necessary counts, to monitor the ailing aunt’s health. I was asked to start with the procedures. What? What? Me?  I know I can check the pressure in my bicycle but blood pressure? With full of embarrassment, I confronted them and said ” I don’t know”. Everyone was shocked. Looked at me with surprise, the same question running in everyone’s head. “But you are a Doctor?”

Whoooh, wait, what did I just hear? Me doctor? I am a passionate blogger, passionate sewer who loves making quilts and handbags, an intermediate level student of French but not a doctor!  At this point, it all made sense. They mistook me to be my sister who is a doctor. With great embarrassment I explained the scenario only to hear the disappointments. Few of the replies were as follows

‘ Ah! it’s you!’, Wish it was your sister, she could have helped. Had your sister been here she would have done most of the medical procedures.But then it’s you. Is she coming to see?

Tired of all the humiliation and questions, I parted from there pondering over the thought if a person will be respected only by his a her profession. I don’t see myself at fault, I have always tried to learn and be focused either life has been mean and taken it away or I never liked it. Does this mean I am no one? Forever I will be humiliated and compared? That accidental two minute fame, was my only share of happiness?